Enduring The Dating Game

If you asked my what my most favorite and least favorite thing at BYU Idaho is I would answer, "dating." It is the most enjoyable and the most stressful. It is anticipation and dread. It is simple and complicated. It pretty much is the best thing ever. It also pretty much sucks.

Let me enlighten you.

Dating is supposed to be fun and lighthearted. It should not be such a big deal. People have put so much pressure into dating that when you start overthinking it, which totally happens, it's no longer fun because the guidelines for dating have become so unclear that you don't know if he wants to marry you or if you are just going as friends. I have met girls that refuse to go on a date with a guy unless he's "marriage material." I have met girls that are sure the guy wants to marry her just because he asked her on a date. We really need to relax here!

I believe it is important to date just for the sake of dating. And I'm not talking about hanging out. A date should be planned, paid for, and paired off. A date can be casual. I love casual dates. Just yesterday I went on a date where we played on a playground, had dinner, and watched a soccer game. It was great. Seriously.

The other problem with dating up here is that instead of going from dating to courtship to engaged to married, people are skipping the dating stage. Outside of the Rexburg bubble people are skipping the married stage as well. Instead of going on dates with someone and getting to know them they instantly jump into steady dating (courtship). And then, they "date 'em til they hate 'em." It happens all the time. I've even done it. It sucks. And it's not worth it. Just keep it simple.

Cohabitating has become ever more popular in the world. At first social scientist thought that it was a great way to "practice marriage." Over the years they have found that if couples cohabit they are more likely to get divorced. This would explain in part why the divorce rate has increased exponentially since the 1970s.

It's important to intentionally go through the steps of dating, courtship, engagement, marriage, as opposed to just sliding along, one to the other. The more you jump into a relationship and breakup the more you are training yourself to get your heart broken. Not cool. Just like life, dating is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.

Sisters Make the World Go Round

When I was four my mom asked me if I wanted to have a baby sister. I answered her by saying, "I'm your baby." Obviously we didn't need any more babies!

"Another baby?!"

Nine months later I was no longer the baby of the family and 3 years after that the real baby of the family was born.Thankfully, I have grown out of my four-year-old mentality and am over joyed to have two little sisters.  I am the proud sister of older sisters and younger sisters and one brother. My life would be incomplete without them. Science has even proven that sisters increase mental health.

When I was young I wanted to be just like my oldest sister, Paige. I wanted to do the things she did, wear her clothes, eat her Skittles. We are now very close and talk on the phone almost daily. Paige taught me about boys and about how they should treat me. I tell her everything about my life and dreams and she interprets them. Paige is my best friend. I really think I would be crazy without her. 

Reunited after 19 months of being apart

Karyann is 19 months older than me. We shared a room from birth to her graduation (almost 17 years). While we didn't get along like angels, we still had some of the best times of our lives together. Karyann and I stuck together. I helped her put outfits together and she helped my put essays together. I helped her learn to dance and she help me learn to be a lot of who I am today. I could always count on Karyann. She is my best friend.

Can words express what's going on here?

This semester I am rooming with my younger sister, Hannah. We were the arguers growing up and as roommates we have had our quarrels and bickered but we have never grown so close. After a large disagreement with another roommate, Hannah and I are more dedicated than ever to sticking up for each other and keeping an eye out for the other. I have never been more grateful to have her as my sister. She is my counselor, my ally, my wing man, she is honest with me, she is loyal, and she is my best friend. I love Hannah. 

Hannah humored me by taking a sewing class! 

Last but not least is the sweet, spunky, hilarious McKayla. Mack. McKay. Mackadoodle. Mackintosh. I could go on. McKayla may be young but she is wise. She knows her sisters because she is observant so she knows how to serve or help when she is around. McKayla is funny. She can make a joke out of any situation. She always knows how to cheer me up and she takes it upon herself to make everyone smile. 

This is the day I got home from my mission

Don't underestimate the effect a sister can have in your life. Studies have shown that sisters help you be less likely to feel down. Sisters offer something that parents cannot. My sisters are the glue that has held me together through brake ups, through my mission, through college, through conflicts with roommates, and through the roads of life less traveled. Nothing can replace them. 

Potential

Is it who you are or how you act that really sets you apart? Living in America you are in the land of endless possibilities, or are you? How can you become better than those who came before you?

The purpose of this life is to become better. It doesn't matter what circumstances you came from, you have to opportunity to change and to make a better life for yourself. Yet, many people simply just follow the traditions of their fathers. Never amounting for much more than their own parents. I knew someone who preferred living on the streets because that was what was comfortable for him. I couldn't understand him, that was the least comfortable thing I could think of. I think when people divide themselves into social classes it is similar to this. People aren't intentionally separating the rich from the poor, the rich are just more comfortable with those who are rich and the poor are comfortable with those who are poor.

I think that's a problem.

We may be in a land of endless possibilities but we have to stop limiting each other by prejudice and judgements we make. We can truly make America the land of endless possibilities if we see those around us with a clean lense. Each of us has incredible potential. We should want the people around us to achieve their potential.

I don't think we should be unrealistic but we should never undermine someone's confidence by telling them they can't succeed. So many people come here from other countries hoping to give their children better opportunities, who am I to tell them it can't happen? It can happen! Not only will encouraging and being more accepting to others lift and inspire them, it will bring people together in love and unity. We want a strong society and culture. Start a new culture in your home to see others as God does, His precious children with unlimited potential.

A System of Families in a Family System

This weekend has been an exciting one for me. I went down to Utah with my little sister to see the rest of my family. My brother is in Sandy with his wife and three week old baby. My sister is in Erda with her husband, daughter, and son. My other sister is in Springville with her husband, fours sons, and one daughter. My parents drove up from southern California. Unfortunately, they left my youngest sister there because she couldn't afford to miss three days of school, she's a junior in high school. Here's an honorary picture of her

She's seriously the glue of this whole family operation. I love her. We all love her. 

I'm sure you're aware of the different roles everyone in your own families play. We have very definite roles in my family and when someone is missing you can tell. There's a void. I love my family because of how we work together and the love we have for each other. I know that I can turn to them at anytime and count on them to have my back. One reason for this is because of the way we were raised, my parents are the bomb.com. Check them out

I just can't get over how cute they are. (This is a current picture of my mom but my dad has aged significantly. And lost the mustache. Thank goodness.) 

My parents taught us many important life lessons and had rules set up for us to live by. I come from a traditional, patriarchal family. We are different though because we believe in having equality as well as having separate roles. There are six girls in my family and each of our opinions are valid and worth just as much as my dad's or brother's. We have been taught the importance of an education; my older sisters have graduated college, my younger sister and I are working towards earning our degrees, and my youngest sister is planning on going to college. My dad is a lawyer and encourages us to discuss topics together without becoming contentious. Disagreement happens at my house all the time! 

If something isn't working in your own family system it is extremely difficult, not impossible, to fix it if you are only working on yourself or the "problem person." A family system works together, like the parts of a clock, you have to work on changing everyone to find greater peace and harmony. You can't just eliminate the problem because then it won't work as well. You have to fix the system as a whole.