"Oh daddy dear, you know you're still number one..."

Why are dads number one? What is it about a father that makes a world of difference in his children? I'm actually not really sure but there is scientific fact that shows that fathers really do make an incredible difference in their children's lives. I am not by any means trying to discount mothers, we already know and can agree that a mother is essential, I am only trying to show that fathers are as equally important as mothers are.

Studies have shown that children whose fathers play with and nurture their children as infants have higher IQs and receive higher grades in school. One thing I found interesting was that children with involved fathers have larger vocabularies. Why? A father doesn't babytalk as much as a mother and will use words the child doesn't know thereby expanding their vocabularies. I definitely saw that in my life. My dad is a lawyer, he loves using big words. When I would ask him what a word meant he would always tell me to look it up in the dictionary so that I would remember the definition.

Having a strong relationship with your father is also a protection. A good relationship can protect your daughter from sexual assault or abuse. I think that is a beautiful thing.

I want to give a shout out to my dad. He is truly doing his best with what he's got.

One time I asked my dad to make me a mixed CD. He put "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" as the first track. He was right about that one. I did just want to have fun and he took that into account when we was raising me. I was (am) a fun loving kid.

My dad would wrestle with me all the time. One time I stuck a piece of duct tape on his leg and ripped it off. That was one of the best victories of my life, mostly because he didn't get mad at me and we had a great family wrestling match. It was so fun.

My dad would take time off of work once a week to come to my class in second grade and read The BFG by Roald Dahl. I hated being in second grade. It was the worst year of my life. I felt picked on by my teacher and way less cool than the other kids in my class. My dad coming to read was such a relief from the stress of it all and all the students loved my dad, it helped me feel like I had something of worth to offer.

My dad has never doubted my abilities. When I said I wanted to do something (like gymnastics, photography, college, or a mission trip) he fully supported me. My dad has incited a confidence in myself that I don't think I could have gotten anywhere else.

I love him.

Can you see the resemblance!?

Cope It Up!!

One Sunday when I was about 15 years old my mom pulled me and my sister out of Sunday school to tell us that something had happened to our older sister Paige and that her and her husband were at the hospital. All we knew was that Paige was in a lot of pain and that the situation could either be extremely serious and life threatening or it could be minor and nothing to really worry about.

I immediately imagined that the worst had happened and that Paige was going to die. I couldn’t handle that. I was inconsolable. Paige was my hero. She couldn’t die. It was impossible. What if she did though? What would I do without her? How would I function?

After my parents got all of the kids together they took us into a little classroom and we kneeled down together and each of us went around in order and said a prayer for Paige. I was kneeling next to my dad, unable to say a word because of my tears. I tried, but couldn’t say a prayer out loud so I said one in my heart. I felt that Paige was going to be okay but I still couldn’t believe it until I knew for sure that she was out of danger.

We went home and waited.

It felt like an eternity before John called. He told us that Paige was going to be fine. Paige had a large cyst tangled around one of her ovaries that the doctors were going to have to remove. They didn’t know if she would still be able to have kids or how difficult it would be. The sigh of relief that it wasn’t something more serious was an audible “Thank God.” We knelt together again offered a prayer, but of thanksgiving.

This was the most traumatic day of my life. Tears come to my eyes as I think back on it. I know that without my family and without my Savior that day could have gone so much worse. 

Coping is not just something you do. It is something you prepare for. We know that disaster will strike some time or another and it is your job to put the right tools in place so that your world doesn’t get shattered. My parents had created a family bond previous to this day. As we gathered together we comforted each other. Together we strengthen one another. If something drastic had happened to Paige we would have buoyed each other up and pulled together even tighter. My parents had prepared for this day simply by having a strong relationship with each other and with their kids. They also put their trust in God.

One of the most important coping mechanisms you can have is the knowledge of your Savior and His willingness to help you. He has suffered for your sins and experienced your trials and tribulations before you ever did and He wants to comfort you and help you to keep moving forward. His love is great and His devotion to you is immeasurable. Rely on Him and He will help you.


P.s. Paige is doing great today and she has five beautiful children. 

How to be Unfaithful to Your Spouse

A marriage should be regarded as something deserving the utmost protection and regard. It is a union of love, merging two into one. It would be irresponsible to let a wedge drive itself into your relationship out of an inability to see the consequences of your actions. Namely, using Facebook to vent, not establishing clear boundaries with your friends and family, and using pornography.

I thought it was common knowledge but apparently it is not. Facebook is not the place to vent, to make a spectacle of your marriage, or publicly place blame and voice resentment. It is also not necessary to make your marriage and life look perfect through Facebook. The world needs to find a happy medium of what belongs on Facebook. Be cautious as you use Facebook. Many marriages have ended because someone went on Facebook and found their high school boyfriend or girlfriend and decided to leave their family for someone they hadn't talked to in 15 years.

This is why it's important to establish boundaries. First, establish a boundary with your spouse. Decide how open you want your relationship to be and continue discussing and adjusting your boundary where improvements need to be made. As you merge together into one, be diligent in sharing friends, especially of the opposite sex. What you say to these friends will affect how they view your spouse, if you are only saying bad things about them your friends will only know the bad. They won't encourage you to be forgiving.

Last of all, don't let yourself be sucked into the addiction of pornography. It is destructive to yourself and to those around you. While it has commonly thought to be plague only affecting men, women are not immune. It has recently become more and more popular to find it in novels aimed towards teenagers and young adults. If you would feel uncomfortable viewing or reading something with your spouse then throw it out and never go back to it. I would rather error on the side of caution than to find myself in an awkward situation having to explain my motives and what got me where I am. Pornography is not something to be experimented with. It will ruin your mind and destroy your life.

Enduring The Dating Game

If you asked my what my most favorite and least favorite thing at BYU Idaho is I would answer, "dating." It is the most enjoyable and the most stressful. It is anticipation and dread. It is simple and complicated. It pretty much is the best thing ever. It also pretty much sucks.

Let me enlighten you.

Dating is supposed to be fun and lighthearted. It should not be such a big deal. People have put so much pressure into dating that when you start overthinking it, which totally happens, it's no longer fun because the guidelines for dating have become so unclear that you don't know if he wants to marry you or if you are just going as friends. I have met girls that refuse to go on a date with a guy unless he's "marriage material." I have met girls that are sure the guy wants to marry her just because he asked her on a date. We really need to relax here!

I believe it is important to date just for the sake of dating. And I'm not talking about hanging out. A date should be planned, paid for, and paired off. A date can be casual. I love casual dates. Just yesterday I went on a date where we played on a playground, had dinner, and watched a soccer game. It was great. Seriously.

The other problem with dating up here is that instead of going from dating to courtship to engaged to married, people are skipping the dating stage. Outside of the Rexburg bubble people are skipping the married stage as well. Instead of going on dates with someone and getting to know them they instantly jump into steady dating (courtship). And then, they "date 'em til they hate 'em." It happens all the time. I've even done it. It sucks. And it's not worth it. Just keep it simple.

Cohabitating has become ever more popular in the world. At first social scientist thought that it was a great way to "practice marriage." Over the years they have found that if couples cohabit they are more likely to get divorced. This would explain in part why the divorce rate has increased exponentially since the 1970s.

It's important to intentionally go through the steps of dating, courtship, engagement, marriage, as opposed to just sliding along, one to the other. The more you jump into a relationship and breakup the more you are training yourself to get your heart broken. Not cool. Just like life, dating is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.

Sisters Make the World Go Round

When I was four my mom asked me if I wanted to have a baby sister. I answered her by saying, "I'm your baby." Obviously we didn't need any more babies!

"Another baby?!"

Nine months later I was no longer the baby of the family and 3 years after that the real baby of the family was born.Thankfully, I have grown out of my four-year-old mentality and am over joyed to have two little sisters.  I am the proud sister of older sisters and younger sisters and one brother. My life would be incomplete without them. Science has even proven that sisters increase mental health.

When I was young I wanted to be just like my oldest sister, Paige. I wanted to do the things she did, wear her clothes, eat her Skittles. We are now very close and talk on the phone almost daily. Paige taught me about boys and about how they should treat me. I tell her everything about my life and dreams and she interprets them. Paige is my best friend. I really think I would be crazy without her. 

Reunited after 19 months of being apart

Karyann is 19 months older than me. We shared a room from birth to her graduation (almost 17 years). While we didn't get along like angels, we still had some of the best times of our lives together. Karyann and I stuck together. I helped her put outfits together and she helped my put essays together. I helped her learn to dance and she help me learn to be a lot of who I am today. I could always count on Karyann. She is my best friend.

Can words express what's going on here?

This semester I am rooming with my younger sister, Hannah. We were the arguers growing up and as roommates we have had our quarrels and bickered but we have never grown so close. After a large disagreement with another roommate, Hannah and I are more dedicated than ever to sticking up for each other and keeping an eye out for the other. I have never been more grateful to have her as my sister. She is my counselor, my ally, my wing man, she is honest with me, she is loyal, and she is my best friend. I love Hannah. 

Hannah humored me by taking a sewing class! 

Last but not least is the sweet, spunky, hilarious McKayla. Mack. McKay. Mackadoodle. Mackintosh. I could go on. McKayla may be young but she is wise. She knows her sisters because she is observant so she knows how to serve or help when she is around. McKayla is funny. She can make a joke out of any situation. She always knows how to cheer me up and she takes it upon herself to make everyone smile. 

This is the day I got home from my mission

Don't underestimate the effect a sister can have in your life. Studies have shown that sisters help you be less likely to feel down. Sisters offer something that parents cannot. My sisters are the glue that has held me together through brake ups, through my mission, through college, through conflicts with roommates, and through the roads of life less traveled. Nothing can replace them. 

Potential

Is it who you are or how you act that really sets you apart? Living in America you are in the land of endless possibilities, or are you? How can you become better than those who came before you?

The purpose of this life is to become better. It doesn't matter what circumstances you came from, you have to opportunity to change and to make a better life for yourself. Yet, many people simply just follow the traditions of their fathers. Never amounting for much more than their own parents. I knew someone who preferred living on the streets because that was what was comfortable for him. I couldn't understand him, that was the least comfortable thing I could think of. I think when people divide themselves into social classes it is similar to this. People aren't intentionally separating the rich from the poor, the rich are just more comfortable with those who are rich and the poor are comfortable with those who are poor.

I think that's a problem.

We may be in a land of endless possibilities but we have to stop limiting each other by prejudice and judgements we make. We can truly make America the land of endless possibilities if we see those around us with a clean lense. Each of us has incredible potential. We should want the people around us to achieve their potential.

I don't think we should be unrealistic but we should never undermine someone's confidence by telling them they can't succeed. So many people come here from other countries hoping to give their children better opportunities, who am I to tell them it can't happen? It can happen! Not only will encouraging and being more accepting to others lift and inspire them, it will bring people together in love and unity. We want a strong society and culture. Start a new culture in your home to see others as God does, His precious children with unlimited potential.

A System of Families in a Family System

This weekend has been an exciting one for me. I went down to Utah with my little sister to see the rest of my family. My brother is in Sandy with his wife and three week old baby. My sister is in Erda with her husband, daughter, and son. My other sister is in Springville with her husband, fours sons, and one daughter. My parents drove up from southern California. Unfortunately, they left my youngest sister there because she couldn't afford to miss three days of school, she's a junior in high school. Here's an honorary picture of her

She's seriously the glue of this whole family operation. I love her. We all love her. 

I'm sure you're aware of the different roles everyone in your own families play. We have very definite roles in my family and when someone is missing you can tell. There's a void. I love my family because of how we work together and the love we have for each other. I know that I can turn to them at anytime and count on them to have my back. One reason for this is because of the way we were raised, my parents are the bomb.com. Check them out

I just can't get over how cute they are. (This is a current picture of my mom but my dad has aged significantly. And lost the mustache. Thank goodness.) 

My parents taught us many important life lessons and had rules set up for us to live by. I come from a traditional, patriarchal family. We are different though because we believe in having equality as well as having separate roles. There are six girls in my family and each of our opinions are valid and worth just as much as my dad's or brother's. We have been taught the importance of an education; my older sisters have graduated college, my younger sister and I are working towards earning our degrees, and my youngest sister is planning on going to college. My dad is a lawyer and encourages us to discuss topics together without becoming contentious. Disagreement happens at my house all the time! 

If something isn't working in your own family system it is extremely difficult, not impossible, to fix it if you are only working on yourself or the "problem person." A family system works together, like the parts of a clock, you have to work on changing everyone to find greater peace and harmony. You can't just eliminate the problem because then it won't work as well. You have to fix the system as a whole. 

Why Kids Matter for the Future.

In a world where we know that things aren't the greatest and that things are really just getting worse, we sometimes ask ourselves, "what can I do?" I believe there are many people who want to change the world or make a difference in it. I do. It can seem overwhelming and often unattainable though.

I am here to tell you that you can make a difference, a very big difference! 

The answer is much more simple than you'd think: have children, have a lot of them. Okay, not really. You don't have to have a lot of children but more than two will suffice. It is a common misconception, but the world's population is actually decreasing. By the looks of it we are growing but by the science of it we are not. The perception of growth comes from the technology to protect children from deadly disease and to keep the old guys alive longer. The fertility rate is below 2.13, the rate at which the population stays constant. By 2040 scientists are predicting a decrease in population. 

So what's the big deal? I'll answer that question too. We call it human capital: the stock of knowledge, habits, social and personalty attributes, including creativity, embodied in the ability to perform labor so as to produce economic value. Think about it this way. If you had 100 workers sewing 300 skirts in an hour and the population starts to fall we are now down to 75 workers but the production expectation is still at 300 skirts an hour. We may not eventually have a skirt shortage but what about other things? Who's going to design flying cars? Or figure out what else we can use recycled plastic bottles for? Or find a way to make clothes fit everyone the way they're supposed to? Or solve the crisis of Donald Trumps hair? There are many things left to be invented, but what if these inventors are never born? 

Another big deal that has nothing to do with human capital is the quality of life our grand children and great grand children will have. What makes your life so worth living? I highly doubt it's your job. Or your awesome car. Or all your cool sweaters. It's your family obviously. The love and joy shared in a family is of no comparison. 

I know, aren't we adorable??

The greatest desires a person has is to be loved and to love in return. The family is best place to nurture those feeling and grow in capacity to have them for others. I come from one of the best families on the planet. We have our struggles. We have our arguments and even a few fist fight. But we also have each other. What more do we need? 

Hello blogging world! I am starting this blog for my Family Relations class. I go to school at BYU-Idaho and I'll be graduating next April. My major is Apparel Design and my minor is Home and Family Living. I love to sew and create, to learn how to do new things with fabric and patterns, and to wear the clothes I make. I am passionate about the family. I look forward to having my own family because I know the joy that comes with it. I am not oblivious to the stress and difficulties it will bring. I am hoping this class and this blog will not only help me with my future family but that it will help others as well.